When we last left Rosie and Carlitos, they were stuck in the lair by mommy’s decree, barred from joining a party in the enchanted forest, where adult humans and munchkins frolicked. Rosie might not have been interested in that, but the food commanded her attention, causing her to come up with a plan.
This is the second part of Rosie’s latest adventure. You can catch up on the first part here, or enjoy another of her adventures here.
All of Rosie the Three-legged Dragon’s hopes of joining the outdoor festivities that mommy had inexplicably barred her from rested on daddy. The way Carlitos, the near useless whippet she called a little brother, stood forlorn and whining at her side made it clear to even a dog that his hopes rested on her as well, but that wasn’t surprising. He never did anything for himself even though he thought he was a superhero, secret agent, or comic book character while Rosie had always adhered to the old expression about wanting things done right and having to do them yourself. Though daddy was known to be a sucker for her many, many charms, and in that sense, he was the perfect mark, he was also known to do whatever mommy wanted. Therefore, how he might respond when Rosie and mommy’s opinions on the matter were at odds, was an open question. Clearly, she’d have to use all of her considerable talents to ensure the answer was decidedly in her favor, and in addition to the usual puppy dog eyes and sad, sad look most dogs can muster, she had the ultimate trump card: A missing leg. While most humans would spend the rest of their lives bemoaning the loss of a limb for obvious reasons, dogs and presumably dragons, don’t waste any time fretting about what the don’t have any longer – to the extent they’re aware of any change in their physical form in the first place – and instead, almost immediately begin accentuating the positive. For Rosie, this meant two important things whether or not she truly understood them. First, she could reach even higher onto the counter than ever before and with the already long and lean body of a greyhound dragon, that meant almost nothing was beyond her reach. Second, she had an instant get out of jail free card. Even the hardest hearted person can’t possibly look at a three-legged dog and not be overcome by sympathy, or at least that was the hope when daddy swept into the room, carrying whatever it was he was carrying in from the enchanted forest.
At first, her odds of success didn’t seem very promising. Rosie had positioned herself directly in his way, standing in that unmistakable tripod pose, her rear legs spread a little wider than usual for a dog for maximum balance, lone left front leg a little closer to the center, but daddy continued right past her as if she didn’t exist, suggesting that what she thought was her best hope was a dim one in truth. Neither dogs nor dragons give up so easily, however, or at least not this one, and Rosie quickly realized that since daddy came in, he’d have to go back out – unless mommy had banished him as well, a definite possibility when he was known to be a little off and prone to certain childish antics, especially if he had an audience. Regardless, the only thing she could do was remain in position, similar to the way a guard dog would, but with an entirely different purpose in mind given she was desperately trying to get out rather than keep everyone and everything inside safe. While it’s unclear what thoughts went through her little doggie-dragon mind during this period, we can imagine they were a mix of suitably moving extremes, anticipation that maybe she’d be set loose in the enchanted forest to join what seemed to be fun even if she wasn’t full sure why, frustration that she must rely on someone else – and a human at that – to make it happen, confusion as to why she wasn’t in charge of the entire thing as the queen of the land, and perhaps a little worry that this sudden change in her status – being relegated to the out group, the omega, when she was the undisputed leader of the pack in her mind, the alpha – was more permanent than it seemed. If the munchkins stayed and the invasion was permanent, would it always be this way? Would they be overrun by these little ones, the enchanted forest taken completely over? Was this her new life, staring out at life occurring in her dominion yet denied access to it?
While it was doubtful her thoughts were that complicated, rarely do most of us stop to consider how interesting this ability of a dog to turn to their human servants to get what they want truly is. For the most part, we just say the dog is begging as they frequently do, perhaps conclude that they are altogether cute and loveable for doing so, and leave it at that, but if you think through what’s actually involved in the overall process, it’s a really neat trick. After all, only a handful of animal species are capable of it, though oddly certain birds make the cut in addition to monkeys. It is also unique to dogs in the canid family which includes wolves, foxes, coyotes, and jackals, all of which are intelligent in their own right yet none of which exhibit anything close to this behavior in the wild. Somehow, however, the dog knows both that the human can help get whatever it wants and that the human understands what the dog wants in the first place. In this case, Rosie wasn’t begging – how she hated that term applied to a creature of her royal, dragonly pedigree – to go out the back door by standing in the front of the lair, looking out some other window, or even following daddy around randomly. Instead, she did so at the back door itself, pointed out at the enchanted forest and the party happening there, making it clear to anyone exactly what she wanted even though she couldn’t speak. Further, to obtain it, she relied on specific, highly manipulative techniques honed over thousands of generations to impact humans specifically. In addition to a face that had expressive brows and sad eyes, she didn’t growl, didn’t bark, didn’t threaten, didn’t cause alarm. Instead, she whined, cried, and pouted, scratching on the door itself with her lone front leg for extra sympathy, knowing in some hard to define fashion considering dogs are not rational creatures, precisely what would pull most on daddy’s heart strings.
Therefore, you will not be surprised to learn that I soon gave in. Despite my wife’s prohibition, I swung open the back door on my way out in full sympathy with their plight, allowing Rosie and Carlitos to take off into the enchanted forest and take off they both did. Before the door was even fully open, they were pushing themselves into it as though I needed a little extra help, falling all over themselves in excitement. To be sure, there are a few steps from the door down onto the stone patio that Rosie almost literally fell over with Carlitos right on top, prompting me to gasp that she might end up hurting herself for real, which would not have gone over well with my wife, I assure you, only to watch her recover in an instant, leap onto the open area, and then fly like a dragon while Carlitos ran like a cartoon character right behind, both of them off leash. This was an amazing sight, but it also amounted to yet another infraction on my part in the eyes of my wife given that on rare occasions, they might take off somewhere else, on patrol or whatever dogs do when their humans aren’t around. Somehow, Rosie herself was aware that being let out of leash was also forbidden and daddy had broken yet another rule on her behalf, meaning he might well be punished even worse than her soon and she thanked him for it. She also managed to wonder, briefly how lucky Carlitos was to have her as an older sister to take care of these complicated, consuming, and all around less than desirable matters, but she didn’t care too much about either as she raced towards the sights, sounds, and smells of the munchkin gathering. To her, it was the equivalent of finding the infamous pot of gold at the end of the rainbow at that moment, only to be confronted almost immediately by yet another barrier, this time in the form of a fence, though neither dogs nor dragons use such particulars. After the exultation of exiting the house, it seemed a cruel trick, as though mommy had planned it to get the last laugh and it was a brutal one. Right there on the other side close enough she could stick her snout through – which was long, close to eight inches – was a glorious sight even though it seemed many of the adults and some of the children were inexplicably floating in the water of the pool that dominated the area. Why would anyone do such a thing voluntarily? Rosie had fallen in herself once, and Carlitos more recently during the three days of endless night. It was enough to know for certain that large bodies of water were no place for a civilized, comfortable animal to be, and yet there they were, seemingly enjoying themselves splashing around as if they could all swim and there was no danger of drowning.
Regardless, this couldn’t hold her attention for long – for that matter, the enchanted forest could’ve been on fire and Rosie might not have noticed – when she saw one of the greatest sights of her entire life other than discovering a rabbit burrow too close to the surface. There were plates of food on the ground, mounds of tasty treats, cheese, and shrimp, and chips and more, on the freaking ground for the taking! The human servants and their munchkin hangers on must’ve gone crazy or something because that never happened. Normally, Rosie had to wait with no small amount of indignity to be fed or very carefully surf the counters in the event something was left within her admittedly long reach, which was fun in a way, like hunting, but even didn’t happen all that often, the human servants having grown wise enough to stack things on top of other things, where even she couldn’t get them. Suddenly, however, there was an abundance of food, a literal feast for the taking, and perhaps even stranger, the humans weren’t paying the slightest bit of attention. She had no idea whether their minds were dulled by the strange drink they sometimes consumed or the munchkins had altered their behavior in a way she couldn’t understand, but it didn’t matter either way, as she set upon this bounty as she imagined a lion might on the savannah, not that she knew what lions or the savannah were, only that the hunting instinct ran deep. So deep, even Carlitos quickly went to work rather than doing what he normally does, currying for favor to hopefully get a scrap and being all around useless and annoying as ever. Together, the brother and sister set upon the entire area, grabbing every bit of food left on the ground and some of what was on the outdoor counter, and generally having the grandest time possible for it, especially because the human servants continued to be too distracted to notice. Incredibly, it seemed mommy was so into the munchkins she didn’t care that her orders to keep Rosie in the lair had been defied, forget being let out without a leash, and only daddy was aware of what she and Carlitos were up to. Rather than commanding them to stop, however, he just laughed and if anything, encouraged them both to have some more, which for either a dog or a dragon is irresistible when it comes to food.
Ultimately, it was one of those instances where a dog’s different experience of time was almost surely a blessing instead of a curse. To Rosie and Carlitos, the feasting, the running between the plates, the generally frolicking with the human servants, and the overall atmosphere, combined to make it seem like the party – for it was a party, even in a canine mind, that was clear – lasted forever. In reality, the total time elapsed was less than fifteen minutes before the food was gone, Rosie was full almost to bursting, and the heat of the day started to become overwhelmingly apparent, making her feel lethargic and sluggish. Not surprisingly, she decided an afternoon nap was in order, but her regular throne – up in mommy and daddy’s room – the normal couch where they kept the strange glowing thing which mesmerized them most evenings, and her personal mini-lair weren’t available out here. There was, however, a suitable substitute that was conveniently located under some type of pavilion, offering shade from the sun, so after gorging herself, she made her way up there, ordered the humans enjoying the shade from their spot, as in nudged them away with her snout, and laid herself to rest for a while, not realizing that doing so could be yet another source of trouble. Though Rosie was minding her own business, lazing after the hefty mid-day meal, which was unusual in and of itself – not the lazing, but the full meal – it seemed one of the munchkins, the smaller one, decided it was a good time to say finally hello, have the greeting which was denied earlier. As munchkins will do, she stumbled her way over to Rosie – little legs moving so fast it was a wonder she didn’t fall over at each step – and pulled herself onto the couch beside her, readying a pat on the head and a great big kiss. After all, who or in this case, what, could resist the charms of an almost two year old little girl ready to shine her love on the world around her, opening up her heart like a rainbow for all to bask in?
The munchkin, sadly, couldn’t possibly have been aware that Rosie the Three-Legged Dragon had certain issues with being disturbed while sleeping or when she feared her spot could be taken as a result of previous trauma at the hands of her deceased older sister Lily. Some of this was covered in a prior adventure, but for our purposes now, though Rosie was a sweet and loving dog and dragon in many ways, she had certain undesirable behaviors that could manifest from time to time. Perhaps, we should not blame her too much for this. Rosie had a good life – she knew that, loved her lair, loved her human servants, and all of the things around her – but she didn’t have any easy one by any means. Even beyond having been born in a kennel, trained only to race before being retired at less than two years old then shipped to a strange place, and losing her leg to cancer before turning seven, she suffered from such a toxic relationship with Lily that she’d been attacked twice over food, once bad enough she had to spend the night in an even stranger place to get better, though she generally tried to block that out of her mind as the dimly thought it was the very same place that took her leg sometime after. While Rosie wasn’t yet a dragon at that point, she wasn’t a pushover either, and though Lily certainly inspired fear, she also inspired a need to stand her ground in all things, making her extra protective of certain prerogatives, such as where she chose to lie down, and extra snappy when she slept, believing any disturbance might tend toward the negative based on her real life experiences, the same as it would be be for a human. Under these specific circumstances, she could lash out, never to actually bite or wound, but merely to let whoever might be messing with her know they were, in fact, messing with the wrong dog, now a dragon. This, perhaps needless to say, was the root cause of mommy’s concerns and the reason she had been separated from the munchkins, but of course, Rosie didn’t know that. She knew only that she’d found an incredibly comfortable spot, her belly was full, and she was enjoying an afternoon nap when some strange little creature decided to interrupt her, triggering what had unfortunately become the default response.
As is often the case with a toddler, the munchkin didn’t know what danger they were in either, only that a soft, silky, smooth, and adorable dog might want some attention. After all, everyone and everything she had ever met in her short life wanted attention from her, marveling over her for reasons she couldn’t understand with her young mind, and yet that just seemed to be how things worked for whatever reason. So, she climbed up on the couch to make it happen as effectively as possible, setting herself right beside Rosie like the dog was her best friend and she’d done it a thousand times before, not realizing that dogs have very, very sharp teeth that could easily puncture very, very soft skin. It was a close thing, one of those moments where the future is balanced on the edge of a knife and the applicable question seemed how deep the cut. Rosie let out the slightest gurgle from her throat which might have suggested bad things to come when she realized someone was beside her, but – perhaps, sensing the munchkin was neither Lily nor an adult human, and meant her only love and affection or for some other less explicable reason – didn’t react any further at first. When the munchkin raised her hand to reach out a moment later, Rosie tensed, a wave of muscle rippling under her coat as she readied herself to respond accordingly if necessary, but there was something in the innocence of the munchkin, or perhaps simply the small size, that held her back. Instead of snapping and asserting her rights as both dog and dragon, she just lay there instead, allowing the little girl to pat her on the head and pet her gently, if not completely enjoying it at first. After a moment, however, something about the touch of a child – and in that moment, Rosie, briefly and forgetfully, realized that’s what the munchkin was, a child, a human puppy, filled with joy, love, and possibility unfiltered or polluted by life and trauma – moved her in a way impossible to describe. She felt connected, she felt seen, she felt alive, she felt loved, and if the smile on the munchkin’s face, the giggle on her lips, the tousle in her brownish hair, and the glimmer in her eyes were any indication, she munchkin felt much the same and even the day itself seemed to mark the moment. The pavilion they were under was covered, but the sun was low enough in the sky, a gentle beam of light fell upon them, adding its own tender warmth and a sense of magic hard to replicate. It couldn’t have been more perfect and in that way of dogs, a part of Rosie the Three-legged Dragon wished it would last forever, that the munchkins could officially become a part of her pack, living in the lair, and living out their days in peace, love, and harmony.
This time, however, it was mommy who didn’t know any of this. Rather than see inside the dog-dragon and human hearts, she only saw the potential danger of a less than two year old beside a dog that could become rather cranky in certain situations. Instead of letting the situation play out, she decided she was right the first time and promptly swept both Rosie and Carlitos back inside, removing them from the festivities, reducing them to being merely observers in their own lair and enchanted forest once more. Carlitos didn’t seem to mind all that much at first – he was a little sad to be sure, though exhausted as well and could use a break before hopefully round two of the feast – but Rosie was heartbroken. Not only was she excluded once more and separated from the munchkin, she felt wronged, betrayed, badly misjudged, like an ordinary dog and not like a dragon. She had done nothing wrong – indeed had done everything right in her mind, even resisted her own impulses – and yet she was being punished anyway, treated like a servant or misbehaving child herself, and she raged inside against the fairness of it all, prompting her to consider how she might take her revenge. Rosie wasn’t sure how long it took, but eventually, an idea formed in her mind. She wouldn’t swallow her pride and attempt to join the festivities once more, begging for some kind of treat that should be hers by rights. No, this time, she’d manipulate daddy or someone else to make a more thorough escape, run away from the lair, and show them all how important she was. Yes, that was it. They’d never catch her. She was too fast. She could run like the wind and leave them all behind, strike out and make a life of her own free from human or other interference, no more rules, no more embarrassing begging.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Confessions of a Conservative Atheist 